Tonight I'm on a roll

it may not be a good one, but I've had something sitting on my chest for many a year now. At one point I really considered writing an etiquette book. No not one of those that tells you what fork to use - one that points out the very apparent lacking of common sense that prevails in daily life all around us. I generally say nothing when I notice these 'crimes' happening. I just file them away so I can vent about them later in the day when my husband has been beaten down by work for many hours and doesn't want to talk so it gives me a good feeling he's listening. (it works for us - go with it)

Well, said book never happened. But I've got lots to unload. I think I shall unload one or three tonight. I am also sure that these have been discussed at length by the copy machine in various offices and are not original, but it's my rant and I don't care.

I shall title this irritant "The bathroom stall is not for making friends"

I'm not the type of chic that feels the need to go to the restroom in a pack every time. Sometimes, yes. Most times no. I really don't like going in any public restroom. The lack of privacy sends my bladder shivering in a corner - (I don't even have to touch on the other as that is not going to happen. If I was on survivor they would have to cart my ass out of there for compacted intestines or some such because unless I am at home, that is not going to happen unless it's a big emergency) So since it is not a 'private' place WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO TALK TO COMPLETE STRANGERS STALL TO STALL?

Why? I don't know you. I don't need to chit chat with you. I don't need to know anything about you at all while you are going to the bathroom. I am having enough trouble. In the time you plopped down and decided to discuss things, I had to decide if it was a hover only restroom or if it happened to have those handy seat covers. If not, did I have enough tp to line the seat myself. So now you are talking to me like you know me about world events while I'm trying to hover on thighs that are begging me to hurry because I did too many dead leg lifts at the gym yesterday. Not only that, I am still holding my purse on my shoulder and it's doing that slipping thing, I'm clutching tp and trying to make sure that no scarf, belt, shirt tie, or any other thing falls into the depths below and make the entire process as quick as possible.

I don't talk. Unless you are a really good friend of mine, that I know very well, I am not going to respond. And even if you are a really good friend of mine I'll respond while we're not in the stall. Read the above...I don't have room with all my hovercraftiness going on. Now this is what gets me. Why if I have just nicely smiled when we come out of the stall in that awkward "oh we came out at the same time" moment, do you try to continue the conversation at the sink, talking to me in the mirror. I still don't know you. I'm sure you are a lovely person, but what I just did took a lot of effort. I need to regroup.

Am I the only one that notices this. It never happens in a small two stall restroom either. Generally it's like the restrooms at Macy's....you know, where there are 40 of them and I am in stall number 7 while the other person is in stall number 20.

I also wonder why in the heck people feel the need to chat on their phones while going? That is weird. It echos in there...people KNOW what you are doing....you can't take 2 seconds to say "lemme call you back" as you are walking to the door of the restroom or rather you can't wait the 3 seconds it will take for you to finish things up and then call them back. Why answer when you are in the stall? What does one say to the question "hey, what are you doing?" It is always at that moment that I really wish my bladder or colon were not shy and I could throw some good loud bowl ringers in there on command.

I'm sure this is quite dumb to most. But it boggles my mind. What is so absolutely important in your life that you must give up every private moment because you have to be on the phone? There are exceptions I am sure....but based on the amount of times I witness this happening you people must be having a lot of emergencies that require you to talk on the phone when you are going to the bathroom.

If every bathroom was built like the bathroom at Buc-ees on i-10 this problem would almost be wiped out in one fell swoop. They are the best bathrooms ever.