beep beep beep

no, it's not rush hour. it's that big dump truck of my brain backing up to unload.

today is a heavy day. one of those days where being an adult isn't fun. where understanding human emotion and how people feel because you've been there isn't a good thing because you know you're going to cause someone pain. not because you want to or because you dislike the person. because it's business.

last night i had to hit the 'reset' button on one of my sons. he had been building up to a good melt down lately by his tone of speaking, his lack of respect and his inability to re-engage his brain after the Christmas holiday. last night he got called out on it. generally when this happens there's more under the surface than the actual mis behaving that is going on. so of course whatever that is comes out in the general angst of being called out on things. today i am sure his brain and emotional senses are much lighter. but it sure does weigh on my heart to know that they are now at the age where they worry about peer related things.

i hate the fact that the first 15 min of the news is generally about the latest investigation child protective services is doing because of a heinous thing that some one has done against a child or children. wtf is wrong with people today?

i'm getting very irritated that the projects required from the school are much more involved than a project should be. what happened to projects that the kids could do from start to finish by themselves? i already put in my 16years of school, why must i put in more and by more i don't mean checking homework and helping them to study. i mean spending hours making sure a project is exactly as spelled out in the uber detailed directions? I really do think that this knowledge should be part of sex education. what kid would want to have an unexpected pregnancy when they know they will be doing a ton more school work in the future regardless of the fact that they already did it. and it's not that i'm against it. but they just pile it on and when you have 3 kids 1 year apart and two at home it just gets overwhelming in addition to all that has to be done on a daily basis.

once upon a time before becoming involved in a business that takes not only my time and support but also my bank account, I was one of those happy worker bees that didn't really think about things. leaving a light on at work, printing needless things, wasting a bit of time here or there. i did my job, i got paid and that was that. that is, until i crossed the lines so to speak. where it comes out of my account for toner cartridges, electric bills, office supplies, pay checks, etc. etc it's not just some random budget that pays it. it's my budget and it sure is eye opening.

from here on out, every time my daughter says "i bet its fun being an adult" i'm not going to suggest that she concentrate on being a child and enjoying her childhood, i'm going to let her read this. i suppose there can't be much more mommmy guilt associated with shattering her dreams earlier than i already have....right?....blah.